D-9: Moment of truth.

I'm trying to get myself psyched for this. It's 3:07 by my watch, and I've got to sink some time into getting this paper rolling. The same closed books have been staring at me for weeks now. Step one is creating my work cited page. Step two is crafting a rough outline. Step three is pulling out some relevant bits of information from the books. Sounds simple enough right?

Look for an update today.

UPDATE: I read a lot, mostly on topic, but no real progress... Can I claim writer's block for not getting through the bibliography? No. What nerve!

D-8: Pass

Hello everyone. This is actually Luke's wife. I finally read his latest entry at 8:30pm Saturday. I reminded him that he needed to write a new entry about the paper. I confess that I was not the most supportive today and am the reason I am writing this entry. I asked for Luke's forgiveness because I did not help him start his paper. I instead asked him to research Blu-ray players and then we had a family dinner. All day the thought that he didn't work on his paper was in the back of my mind, realizing that I am an accountability partner in this too and I failed to do my part and gave in to temptation.

He forgave me and asked for a pass for today to be able to continue on D. It was pretty neat that he asked me. A marriage really is one life before God and we both support one another. We will work at it tomorrow and I ask for your prayers for diligence for both of us tomorrow. I will make the effort of having him write an entry tomorrow evening for continued accountability.

Thank you all for reading and being a great encouragement to my husband. It is a blessing.

D-7: Seven?

Made it to the end of the week!

1st period students were definitely aware that today is Friday. It was really the first time I felt that I was involved in a problematic situation. Today was also a big day for me as I had sole responsibility for a lesson. What I wanted to do was read an article and model the thought process that goes into active reading. The kids were patient, but I could tell that it wasn't really working. The next period I read the whole story first and then focused on outlining. This worked better but was quite time consuming. I only covered about half of the document.

Next time I'll have the outline completed and model the first three paragraphs or so before assigning groups to complete the remaining paragraphs. This will work much better I'm sure.

Today is about decompression. I don't think I've recovered from last weekend. It was fun but I've just been beat all week and haven't gotten any catch-up sleep. Tomorrow will be paper day.

Since that's the case, I'll blog again tomorrow mid-afternoon, but not Sunday.

D-6: Job is a three letter word.

My adviser came today, and it was a bit of cold water. I'm reminded that teaching is essentially a middle management position, meeting needs, wants, and demands without the time to discriminate between the two or the authority to object or advocate even if you can. But does a lack of authority mean a lack of responsibility? Many teachers whom I respect openly confess a need shrug off certain injustices and embrace wasteful practices. The rain falls on us all.

I'm a bit tempered, which I think is healthy.

Saturday is an important day for me. The paper still hangs, and the unit grows unwieldy like a bag of pizza dough. (Thanks for reading, buddy.) It's weird feeling like I don't have time to write this entry. Away!

D-5: My future is looking uncertainly bright

Again, I feel that I've had a very blessed day of student teaching, though it's still more observing at this point. I'm getting to know the kids, and they're getting to know me. We had a debate today on whether or not McDonald's et al. are responsible for the rise in obesity today. The nearly unanimous argument was that it was up to the individual and that the food chains are not responsible. To make the debate more lively for the next class, we changed the question to whether it was the parent's or the child's responsibility to make healthy choices, and the split was a little more even, but favored the individual.

I was expecting to have to balance a more progressive, anti-capitalistic attitude toward the "evil" corporation, but instead I found myself saying, "wait a minute, you don't see how happy they were to poison a generation with fat and sugar just to make a buck, that the only reason they're changing is because the market (and legal pressure) is forcing them to?" Never thought I'd speak that sentence and mean it.

My plans for the rest of the day are pretty simple: dinner, spend time with Shannon, fiddle with the speaker system, (a little disappointed with it so far) try to get to bed earlier. I still need to figure out my quiet time and when I'm going to write this paper and curriculum. I'm not too worried yet.

D-4: Is my future self laughing at me?

I left school today feeling comically optimistic and happy. I may actually be one of those people who say, "I love teaching!" I'd always looked at those people like they were cross-eyed, but maybe it's possible. My student teaching experience has been pretty incredible; it makes a big difference being able to talk to people actually in the field and I try to remind myself that many teachers actually like to be helpful and answer questions. (I'm also reminding myself it's okay to have questions.)

I still have this paper for my senior seminar hanging over my head. It shouldn't be a big deal, but finding the time for it has been tricky. I should really look at it as an opportunity to prove to myself that the writing process doesn't have to be a tedious, horrendous nightmare. The paper should be a chance to learn material in a new way, and the process can be highly individualized; it's the standardized product that freaks people out, but it's also the strongest indicator that something has been learned when one is able to communicate that learning to others.

I have a dinner meeting at six and until then, I'm trying to set up our TV. Yes, it's new, and I'm excited.

D-3: Better Late

Crazy brief, but I got to keep up, right?

Really good day at school, especially for a Monday. I have Bible study right now.

D-2: The week ends early for me

Thursday came and went fast! Tomorrow I attend a seminar and then I am off to Georgia to hang out with Tom and Mike. I don't know what we'll do, but we'll do it our way.

Today was a pretty good day. I wasn't as involved personally as I would like, and I need to figure out exactly when my student teaching officially begins. Tomorrow I'm hoping to get some clarification on those points.

I need to e-mail my schedule to my supervisor and course instructor. I need to clean up around the house, get some dog food, and go to furniture and more to look for a kitchen table/counter. I need to get ready for a trip tomorrow. Crazy!

D-1: Can I stick with a letter for more than a week?

Ah, so you're still checking. I admire your determination and tenacity; it far outstrips mine.

My posting schedule is now adapted to fit my schooling schedule, and I know it will work because I've had the plan for a few days and delayed initiating it. That was the part of me that doesn't like this whole accountability thing. Since I'm home from my student teaching gig between 3:30 and 4:00, my new vulnerable time is right in that window, when I'm home and Shannon is not.

I'm technically behind schedule today. It's 4:22 and I've been home for 40 minutes or so. I fed the dog and surfed around on the internet. Not the best use of time, especially since I knew I needed to start re-updating this blog.

Entries should be in two parts: a reflection on the day so far, and a plan for the time ahead.

Today went well. I really like the school, the students, and the faculty. I used my free time today to grade papers and continue planning a unit on A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court. I made a study guide for the book a year ago and am eager to apply what I've learned since then and I hope to figure out how to teach it to a class.

Today we're having pizza and playing board games with the neighbors. Should be fun.

C-7: Time is a luxery again

Now that I'm at school all day, I don't want to do anything when I get home. Not good. I need to create a space to do these things before I get myself in trouble!

C-6: Seems like so long ago...

Wow, two full days at school have felt really, really full. Has it only been that long? I'm not saying I've been bored or overwhelmed, it's just been really intense I guess. I'm excited and looking forward to my 20 days of teaching. Looks like I'll be working with A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court. I really like the story and have written a study guide for it, so I'll be interested to see how I develop and make it work in the classroom. I plan on learning lots.

Wish I didn't have this paper to write. I'll just have to find a way to find it interesting. I can only blame myself if it's dull. I picked the topic.

Peace

C-5: Student to Teacher

First day student teaching today. Not sure what this means for my to-do list!

C-4: Walk the Line

Proverbs 4:25-27; 5:21, "Let your eyes look straight forward, and your gaze be straight before you. Ponder the path of your feet; then all your ways will be sure. Do not swerve to the right or to the left; turn your foot away from evil... For a man's ways are before the eyes of the Lord, and he ponders all his paths" (ESV).

This must be day three back on Adderal. I knew it was a blow to me when I was told to not take it until the diagnostic tests were completed, and now I remember why. The difference is subtle, but it's there. I was most concretely aware of the difference last night and this morning. It took me a little while to get to sleep so I read a few chapters of Proverbs. This morning I kept waking up around 5 o'clock.

To many people, this may sound like a bad thing. Why should I be happy that I'm not sleeping? For starters, I am sleeping. I slept at least 7 hours with little to no interruption, so I am rested. Secondly one of the things that bothers me most when I have multiple stresses in my life is my ability to shut off and forget about it. Don't get me wrong, it's a blessing in some ways, but it also prevents me from getting uncomfortable enough with a situation to do something about it. From the outside, the impression is that I am somebody who's laid back and relaxed, but the reality can often be that I'm so stressed that the "string" has snapped. I can't handle any tension whatsoever.

This morning it wasn't worry keeping awake either. It was anticipation. This is my last day before I start student teaching and I'm really looking forward to it. The Lord has also been leaning on me to really accept and think seriously about being a teacher. I apologized to my Sunday School class this week because I haven't been taking them as seriously as I ought and as outlined in Titus chapter 2. They're good kids, and I want to give them some tools to prepare them for adolescence while providing them a last hurrah for childhood. This year hasn't been bad per se, we've been taking them through 1 Samuel, but I'd really like to find a way to get them to interact with Proverbs. It will take some wisdom to figure out how to do that. I wonder where I can find that? But if it's service to the Lord that is keeping me awake, I can't really complain can I? He kept waking Samuel all night.

Accountability Note: Though I'm not going as far as making an itinerary out of my to-do list. I have desired to put the items in some sort of order. To do this, I have decided to give point values between 1 and 99 to my tasks. I choose the number based on how large or critical the task is and how quickly it needs to be done. Generally, I'd like to limit this list to tasks I can accomplish in the next day or two with long range tasks being relegated to a calendar. Pieces of those tasks will show up in my to-do lists, however. Finding 9 sources is a fragment of a larger project.

Thanks for reading. Guess I'll get some work done!

C-3: Sunday, Sunday

Pray for me this day. I want to do the right thing by my Sunday school students. I haven't been giving it the attention it deserves.

C-2: By executive order

In some ways, I'm glad that I didn't post for a couple days because the comment thread on B-8 was quite interesting. If I've missed replying to some of your comments, please forgive me. I'm a little annoyed that this blog service doesn't always alert me to comments. There's probably a setting somewhere...

Heard back from the doctor yesterday and apparently I'm good to go, so in a few minutes I'll be back on Adderal. I don't have a huge to-do list today, but it would probably be a good idea to do either some prep work for student teaching or some work toward a paper I need to write to resolve a very pesky incomplete. The bonus to this assignment its that I got to choose the topic.

As an English major, I'm ashamed to admit I know very little about Dickens, Tolstoy, or Hugo. I'll be patching together a comparative biography on these three since they are contemporaries in different countries with larger than life reputations. I'll be focusing more on the authors and their lives and as context for their writings and hopefully come away with some useful conclusions.

Happy Saturday.

C-1: Fresh snow

Had way too much self directed time this week. Epic fail.

But today is a snow day for Shannon and in some ways that makes it a snow day for me as well. I'm glad that we'll have a day together and hope it will help us both recharge to face the coming weeks.

I'm looking forward to student teaching if for no other reason than it will be nice to have somewhere to officially be in the morning. I do fear getting used to being there all day, though. I haven't had to deal with a single place for an extended period of time in quite a while.

The x-ray went fine, I guess. I'm still waiting for feedback. I'm really wishing I could start trying Adderall again. Not to excuse my choices, but I feel like I got overwhelmed pretty early on this week with the whole application for substitute teaching process. Applications are never easy because they are tedious and stir up my insecurity. Nothing fills me with self doubt more than a tedious process in which I have to list my accomplishments.

I have to admit that it felt good to say, "expected graduation: May 2010."

B-8: Every temptation is an opportunity for victory

I've probably heard this before, but facing temptation with a posture of victory instead of fear is a fundamental lesson the Christian is bound to learn over and over again. We are bound to win as we are bound to Jesus: Get used to it.

I've really looked forward to this Monday. (Is that sentence even legal?) Of course, I'm still on vacation, but it's a new kind of vacation. As Dr Leo Marvin (What about Bob?) would put it, I'm on a vacation from my problems. I will leave my problems by dealing with them head on. I made a list in the order I intended to face them until I couldn't think of any more. I've discovered that I am quite blessed because many of them are mere shadows on the wall that are only scary when I'm not really looking at them and the imagination fills in all sorts of scary details that have little to do with reality and everything to do with paranoia and cowardice. "The fool says, 'there is a lion in the streets!'"– a proverb.

Today is about going down the list, and not thinking too much.

B-7: See ya Monday

The whole vacation season has been pretty disruptive, so planning has been a bit unnecessary. Have a blessed Sunday, I'll certainly need to write Monday morning because Shannon goes back to school and I have a week to get ready for student teaching. I'm closing in on getting through some of the medical issues that have prevented me from taking ADHD meds, so that will be interesting as well. I've managed fairly well without meds, but I certainly remain interested in seeing if the Adderal will help me plan and get through the tasks required this semester, particularly dealing with new people at a new school.

B-6: A leg up on the new years resolution thing.

I am making no promises and telling no lies. I had a good New Year.

I am up past my bedtime. So tired.